Brief Banter By Ben

Pictures taken on holiday in Ireland

Sam, Benjamin and I on holiday in West Cork courtesy of our host Mick Hegarty.

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.

The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.

Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you; I have a very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm."

The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. I have never heard of that condition before," he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"

The woman nodded. "Pepper."

By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND TENJOOBERRYMUDS!!

In order to continue getting-by in North America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language!

Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS". With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in with the growing trend!! Now, here goes…

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room- service:

Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees ."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???"

G: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: ".....What??"

RS: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry... scrambled, please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS: "Hokay. An Sahn toes ?"

G: "What?"

RS: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I... don't think so"

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means."

RS: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bodder ?

G: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No, just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad??"

G: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy ...tea ...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything."

RS: "One Minnie . Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy..rye ??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjooberrymuds ."

G: "You're welcome.

Judy, a professional genealogical researcher, discovered that Hillary Clinton's great-great uncle, Remus Rodham, a fellow lacking in character, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Montana in 1889.

The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows. On the back of the picture is this inscription:

"Remus Rodham; horse thief, sent to Montana Territorial Prison 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Montana Flyer six times. Caught by Pinkerton detectives, convicted and hanged in 1889."

Judy e-mailed Hillary Clinton for comments. Hillary's staff of professional image adjusters cropped Remus's picture, scanned it, enlarged the image, and edited it with image processing software so all that's seen is a head shot.

The accompanying biographical sketch is as follows:

"Remus Rodham was a famous cowboy in the Montana Territory . His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Montana railroad. Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to service at a government facility, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad. In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the renowned Pinkerton Detective Agency. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honor when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."

And THAT is how it's done in D.C. folks!