Brief Banter By Ben

Watch this space for some piccies. They are not very good but I may be able to rescue a few.

1 Pick the number of times a week that you would like to have a pint or a glass or two of wine (try for more than once).

2 Multiply this number by 2 (just to be honest)

3 Add 5 (for Sunday)

4 Multiply it by 50 – I’ll wait while you get the calculator …..

5 If you have already had your birthday this year add 1755. If not, add 1754

6 Now subtract the four digit year that you were born

7 You should have a 3 digit number (the first digit of this was your original number I (ie, how many times you want to have a pint or glass or two per week)

8 The next two numbers are ……

YOUR AGE – (oh yes, it is!!!!!!!)

This is the only year it will ever work so spread it around while it lasts!

This is not a scam - and it makes sense.

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You must read this...

Seems like a good idea to be repeated....

See what you think and pass it on if you agree with it .

We are hitting 95p a litre in some areas now, soon we will be faced with paying £1 a litre.

Philip Hollsworth offered this good idea:
This makes MUCH MORE SENSE than the "don't buy petrol on a certain day" campaign that was going around last April or May!

The oil companies just laughed at that because they knew we wouldn't continue to hurt ourselves by refusing to buy petrol.

It was more of an inconvenience to us than it was a problem for them.
BUT, whoever thought of this idea, has come up with a plan that can really work.

Please read it and join in!

Now that the oil companies and the OPEC nations have conditioned us to think that the cost of a litre is CHEAP, we need to

take aggressive action to teach them that BUYERS control the market place not sellers.

With the price of petrol going up more each day, we consumers need to take action.

The only way we are going to see the price of petrol come down is if we hit someone in the pocket by not purchasing their Petrol!
And we can do that WITHOUT hurting ourselves. Here's the idea:

For the rest of this year, DON'T purchase ANY petrol from the two biggest oil companies (which now are one), ESSO and BP.

If they are not selling any petrol, they will be inclined to reduce their prices.

If they reduce their prices, the other companies will have to follow suit.

But to have an impact, we need to reach literally millions of Esso and BP petrol buyers.
It's really simple to do!!

Now, don't wimp out on me at this point... keep reading and I'll explain how simple it is to reach millions of people!!

I am sending this note to a lot of people.

If each of you send it to at least ten more (30 x 10 = 300)... and those 300 send it to at least ten more (300 x 10 = 3,000)

... and so on, by the time the message reaches the sixth generation of people, we will have reached over THREE MILLION consumers!

If those three million get excited and pass this on to ten friends each, then 30 million people will have been contacted!

If it goes one level further, you guessed it... .. THREE HUNDRED MILLION PEOPLE!!!

Again, all You have to do is send this to 10 people.
That's all.(and not buy at ESSO/BP)

How long would all that take? If each of us sends this email out to ten more people within one day of receipt, all 300 MILLION people

Could conceivably be contacted within the next 8 days!!!

I'll bet you didn't think you and I had that much potential, did you!

Acting together we can make a difference.

If this makes sense to you, please pass this message on.

PLEASE HOLD OUT UNTIL THEY LOWER THEIR PRICES TO THE 69p a LITRE RANGE
It's easy to make this happen.

Just forward this email, and buy your petrol at Shell, Asda, Tesco, Sainsbury’s, Morrison’s Jet etc.

i.e. boycott BP and Esso.

An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.


After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public toilets.


He really, really has to go, especially after drinking all those pints of Guinness. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.


As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."


"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."


"Ah, yes," said the bobby..."Just follow me". He leads the American to a delivery gate in a back alley, which he opens.


"In there," points the bobby. "Relieve away sir, anywhere you like."


The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.


Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was really decent of you... is that what you call English hospitality?"


"No sir...", replied the bobby, "...that is what we call the French Embassy."

BBC NEWS | Technology | Berners-Lee on the read/write web: "Berners-Lee on the read/write web "

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with bottom problems... "Dactor, it's me harse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot".

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible" he says, "there is a £20 note lodged up here." Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a £10 note appears.

"This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. "What do you want me to do?" "Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batter, how moch is dare den?"

The Doctor counts the pile of cash. " £1,990 exactly." "Ah, dat'd be roit", says the Irishman (Wait for it............)








"I knew I wasn't feeling two grand."

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar... and the coffee...

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an infamous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.

The golf balls are the important things. Your family, your children, your faith, your health, your friends, and your favourite passions. Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter. Your job, your house, and your car.

The sand is everything else. The small stuff." "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."