Brief Banter By Ben

 
1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's license's of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while
they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

21. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it? 

Whenever Apple introduces a new version of iOS, it's guaranteed that Android fans will protest that Google's operating system has long had most of the new features. Apple is late again, they'll say, and only following Google down the smartphone innovation trail.

Truth is, I don't really blame them for making that case. Indeed, I've done the same when reviewing iOS updates (most recently with CNET's iOS 6 First Take) so I understand where their fervor is coming from. But as right they may be, Android fans forget one important thing. Apple may be late to a feature party, but iPhone users really don't care.

Of course, iPhone owners will gripe when their phone is missing an important feature. The wait for real notifications, for example, was particularly galling and it took until iOS 6 to add a button for attaching a photo to an email that you're already writing. But even with those complaints, most iPhone users will forgive Apple and be patient. Because deep down they believe that when Apple finally delivers the feature, they'll get a better experience than their Android friends. Tear off the front page, but Apple takes its time to deliver the experience it wants. That's how it's always been and its customers know it.

Of course, I'm not saying that Apple always hits the highest mark--the iPhone's multitasking is still a bit of a mess--but sometimes it does. It took a while to get video editing, for example, but it was a dream when it arrived. It's those moments that really matter to Apple users. They'd rather sit on the bench than get a half-baked product. To them, Apple doesn't have to invent it as long as it adds the signature Apple touch that customers expect and love.

In the end, it's really about two distinct philosophies of a smartphone user experience. On one side you have an OS that can do almost anything, offers oodles of choice, and is exhaustively customizable. But at the same time it can feel messy and a tad unrefined. That's fine for some people, but others will prefer an OS that's less buggy and that's tightly integrated and exceedingly easy to use. Sure, that same OS also is limiting and occasionally less powerful, but users should be allowed to choose what works for them.

So, yes, Android users, I feel your pain. When Apple announces a feature that you've had for months, I know that it is frustrating. And when Apple gets only thunderous applause in return I see why it makes your blood boil. But even though that's the reality, Apple fans won't hear you shouting. Their new iOS feature may be late, but to them it was worth the wait.