12 August 2006
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take
an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the
class was over.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the
best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly
widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years
older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded,
"Hardly worth going home, is it?
I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new
knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have
poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore, can't remember if
I'm 85 or 92, have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body are
just prone to swinging.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child
playing with matches.
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up!
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because
you stop laughing.
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never
liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight
to tell the difference.