Brief Banter By Ben

 ONE

 Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half  dozen nuggets "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the  teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have  six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half dozen  nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head  and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO

 I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up  one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl  had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it  all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the barcode  she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK,"and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had  just happened.

THREE

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive  and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was  doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept  asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

 FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have  replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. No! I can't get into my  car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store)  would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm,  too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing  it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

 FIVE

Several years ago, we had a temp who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last  remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and  proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

 SIX

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that  the driver had set the "cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office  of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have  problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman  in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke  coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT

Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the  suspect confessed.

NINE

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs  to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The  dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be  fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him to emergency!

 Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid!